BAAAAAD DOG!

A year ago my dog loving neighbors and friends found a homeless dog. We all tried to find the owner. She was so sweet and friendly. Dan wanted this dog and the friends wanted us to have this dog. I know from experience how much exercise and work a dog can be. I said no. Dan said please. I caved and we have a dog.

I like the dog. It likes me. We go on runs together. . . it sleeps on its own bed in our room. . and sometimes it sleeps IN the bed becuase Dan loves his dog and I'm a softy. . . I buy it bones and toys and treats and soft pillowy dog beds. . . I feed it quality lamb and rice dry food at 5:30am every morning before work. . . I pet it and talk to it in a soft loving voice. . .and we teach it discipline: to walk without pulling, sit when told, don't lick, don't bark, don't steal my socks, etc.

I have learned to live with the dog.
She is mostly a good dog.
But then I woke up this morning to this:







BAD DOG!!!

(Great emotional restraint was practiced in the writing of this blog post.)

New Phase in our Adoption Journey

After a week of deep discussion, prayer,and research Dan and I have decided to actively begin searching for embryos to adopt. We are still "in line" with the NEDC but have decided to also place a recipient profile with Miracles Waiting and keep watch on the available embryos on Embryos Alive.

With Embryos Alive we would do the transfer in CA and the cost is close to the NEDC (given that we would have to pay nearly $1,000 for traveling expenses each time we fly to TN) but we will have a much smaller pool of donor families to choose from.

With Miracles Waiting we would have to do more administrative work: find a lawyer to draw up the transfer contracts, coordinate with our fertility clinic and the donor's fertility clinic, and comminicate more openly with the donor family without the help of an agency.

If we find a good match through Miracles Waiting or Embryos Alive before the NEDC schedules our mock transfer appointment then we will go with them instead. It is nice to have options and exciting to think that there is a possibility that our transfer will take place in early spring rather than late summer. So thankful for the support of our families and friends and the advice of our fellow embryo adoption friends. We shall see where we go from here!
++++++++++UPDATE 12/7/09+++++++++++++
We found a great lawyer with experience in embryo adoption but he won't help us because he only does contracts through Snowflakes. Boo! So we are still looking. We did find a local fertility clinic that has come highly recommended by our EA friends! Yea!

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!"

One tradition that Dan and I have is that we purchase an ornament every time we go on a trip together. The tradition began in Maui on our honeymoon in 2003 with these fun ornaments!


I love the hang ten board shorts on the starfish santa. You will have to come visit our tree to see some of our other ornament treasures!

I bought this fun Christmas paisley table cloth the other day. I love that it is Christmasy without being cheesy.

My favorite new Christmas item is something that I have been wanting for awhile: it is an advent calendar. The one above is an advent Christmas village that I got at Costco for $10!!! I can't wait to hide Christmas bible verses and treats for our kids when we have some and they are old enough.

The outside of the house is still a work in progress. Dan and Sam are putting up lighted garland on our wrap-around porch while listening to football through the piano room windows.

I always love a cozy fireplace and the addition of our simple Christmas stockings makes ours extra cozy. Dan and I have another tradition: we usually don't give each other expensive presents we set a limit ($20 or so) and our challenge is to fill each other's stocking with fun items and treats.


My top four favorite Christmas albums this year are Christmas Together with Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong, Charlie Brown Christmas, Diana Krall Christmas, and my newest album So Much Joy by the musicians of Grace EV Free La Mirada. What are your favorites? (There are soooo many great albums out there and only a month to listen!!!)

I hope this post finds you all taking time to not only enjoy the fun traditions of the Christmas season but also time to think about the amazing gift of grace and mercy in the birth of Jesus Christ who laid down his life for all people in all times.

Come thou long-expected Jesus,
Born to set Thy people free;
From our fears and sins release us,
Let us find our rest in Thee.
Israel's strength and consolation,
Hope of all the earth Thou art;
Dear Desire of every nation,
Joy of every longing heart.

Born Thy people to deliver,
Born a Child and yet a King.
Born to reign in us for ever,
Now Thy gracious kingdom bring.
By Thine own eternal Spirit
Rule in all our hearts alone;
By Thine all-sufficient merit
Raise us to Thy glorious throne.
- Charles Wesley

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend! Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

- Placide Cappeau de Roquemaure in 1847

REVISED. . .slow progress. . .

I got an email from Bethany's Knoxville office on Monday. Apparently, I have been waiting these last 20 days for a process that I didn't know needed to take place. The California Bethany office had to contact the Knoxville office, send them our home study, and then Knoxville had to approve it and notify the NEDC. She instructed me to call the NEDC today to schedule our first visit to Tennessee! So hopefully in the next few days we will have our mock transfer scheduled. This visit is also so that I can meet our doctor, be medically approved for the procedure, and learn about the procedure and all the fun medicines and shots that come with it! I am so thankful to get permission to move to the next step in our adoption!

-----Later in the day--------

Okay. . . I called the NEDC today and the good news is that our file is as complete as a file can be. The not so good news is that we are now on a waiting list. They are booked through March and there are 24 people ahead of us waiting to get an appointment as soon as more open up. The NEDC said that the wait is now 10-12 months at the fastest from application to transfer. This would put our transfer sometime this summer, likely August. Most likely we wouldn't even make our first trip out to TN until very late spring or early summer. I have two thoughts about this:

1. How awesome is it that there is a waiting list to adopt!!!??? I am glad that so many people are taking steps to adopt these embryos.

2. We don't want to wait this long. I am second guessing our decision to go with the NEDC. Maybe flying all the way to Tenessee (twice) to do this is not the best idea. I feel frustrated and I am considering looking into other options. Or maybe we should just press on and wait our turn. . .

We are bummed.

Waiting . . .

I have been anxious lately about our adoption. I haven't heard from the NEDC and according to their initial letter our mock transfer is supposed to be scheduled once we start our homestudy. Our homestudy has been finished and submitted for over 10 days now. When I emailed about a few issues (fertility doc in CA, when we would visit TN, and confirmation of our completed file) they emailed back with only vague responses to my questions. Not helpful and totally FRUSTRATING!

I would say in general that I have been pretty patient on our journey to become parents. We have been trying to conceive for five and half years now. If I have learned one thing about myself it is that my desire and emotions surrounding motherhood can fluctuate greatly. Our big house in our family-friendly neighborhood and our Chevy Tahoe "family car" we bought four years ago that I drive around alone in feel empty; I know my identity is founded in the Lord and not in my becoming a mom but I wonder what it would be like. I think about the thousands of little embryo babies stuck in their frozen straws and all the childless couples like us waiting to find each other.

There are times in my life when in God's grace I have found patience and peace. At other times (like now) I tire of the wait, of the not knowing if things will work out or if there is more pain and character refining in our future.

The hardest part of our fertility journey has been the lack of control over our future. I suppose I thought that now that Dan and I finally agreed to pursue embyro adoption we would be back in the "driver's seat" so to speak. We would have a definite timeline and I would be pregnant within the year, maybe even faster! I think I am realizing now that I have just reverted back to my need to control the details of life rather than trust our future to the Lord.

I know the promises of God: that he loves us, that he wants good for our lives, that he won't give us burdens that are too difficult for us to bear, that he will take care of our needs and knows our needs better than we do . . . But I also know that he cares more about the state of our souls than he does our daily happiness and if this is what needs to happen to bring Dan and I (and others) closer to Him then I accept this period of waiting and not knowing.

Romans 5:1-11

1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! 10 For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11 Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Adoption Home Study is Officially Complete!

The other day we received a package from Bethany and inside was our completed home study! Today I mailed it off to the NEDC. We are excited to hear back from the NEDC about the date of our first visit to Tenessee!

A couple in North Carolina who is at the same stage in their embryo adoption with the NEDC introduced me to this adoption story of a couple in Colorado who has two biological children and two adopted children. The video tells the story of how they came to adopt their first child from Korea. Their story encouraged me to remember that we are to trust our God who is mighty, has unlimited resources, and knows what is best for us even more than we do.

Ludy Adoption Video from Lifesong on Vimeo.

A Celebratory Treat!

Today I celebrated reaching my 50 pound weightloss mark by getting a haircut that I have wanted for a long time. I had been putting off trying out this style because I didn't think I could pull it off. Now that my face is thinner, I went for it. What do you think?